Note: This posting was carried as an article on newsblaze.com but there was a problem reproducing the photos. Not one to waste the cost of purchasing the pictures, I’m reprinting the article on thewitsendscribbler.com in two parts.
Finding the right footwear is no shoo-in.
I’ve been looking at new shoes for a while lately; looking, mind you, not buying. You see, I’m a “practical shoes” person. I want my shoes to be attractive, yes, and they must accomplish their basic function of providing a barrier between me and sidewalk slag, i.e., discarded chewing gum, dead bugs, and the like. Most shoes will accomplish that. Bona fide, practical shoes. Like these:
For me, though, they must meet two other criteria: First, they must be comfortable. Second, if need be, they must allow me to run for my life. This is critical should you encounter a Kardashian or other alien life form.
Have you really looked at women’s shoes today? What are the “designers” thinking? The last time I went shoe shopping I came home totally frustrated. When someone asked if I’d found what I wanted I replied, “Yeah, if I were a hooker!” (Or a Rocky Horror Picture Show freak!) Most of the creations (I hesitate to call them “styles”) are absolutely grotesque. I did a virtual stroll of Internet shoe stores and what I saw had me doubled over either in pain or laughter. (I’d show you the photos of these foot flops but I’d probably get into trouble with the copyright cops. Alternatively, I’ve included the web addresses so you can look them up for yourself.)
At DSW you’ll find the “London Rebel Tart Wedge Pump” with its “snake embossed fabric upper” mounted on a suede triangular platform, maybe two inches high at the front and sloping to probably five or more inches at the back with a triangular opening at the instep. They look like stunted turquoise floor joists. They also come in black and magenta. (dsw.com/shoe/london+rebel+tart+wedge+pump)
Then there’s the “Dollhouse Trip Wedge Pump.” The treacly description reads, “This sweet Mary Jane has all the girly details you need.” (dsw.com/shoe/dollhouse+trip+wedge+pump) It’s a suede purple thing mounted on a triangle of stacked wood. Trip is right! One step in these clunkers and all your girly details will be sprawled face-down on the floor.
In my view, the shoes described above (and the myriads of others like them) are the hideous consequence of an ill-conceived experiment, a real “cobble boggle,” if you will. Like this, maybe?
How do you even walk in these things?
Next week, Part II
© 2012 The Wit’s End Scribbler