Note:   A few years ago a friend was facing the trauma of her fiftieth birthday.  I wrote this for her, having in mind the tune from the “Diarrhea” camp song featured in the film “Parenthood.”  Sing along, everyone.


The calendar on the wall

Lists the date; it says it all—

You are FIFTY!  You are FIFTY!


February twenty-three.

There for everyone to see.

You are FIFTY!  You are FIFTY!


Little tears drawn ’round the date

Reflect your apprehensive state.

You are FIFTY!  You are FIFTY!


If a number’s what you dread,

Think on this:  You could be dead!

But you’re FIFTY.  Only FIFTY.


Just ponder all that’s yet to be—

Fading sight and memory.

After FIFTY.  After FIFTY.


Medicare and doctor bills,

Lots of bottles full of pills.

After FIFTY.  After FIFTY.


Crinkly skin and thinning hair.

Liver spots just everywhere!

After FIFTY.  After FIFTY.


Teeth kept in a glass,

Sagging boobs and droopy a–.

After FIFTY.  After FIFTY.


All a-wizened you will grow

Then one day you’ll mumble, “Oh,



As things go from bad to worse,

You are hauled off in a hearse.

WAY past FIFTY.  Lovely FIFTY.


See, it’s not so bad, you know,

To have turned the big FIVE-O!

It’s just FIFTY.  Pretty NIFTY.


So take heart and yell “Hooray!

It’s not a year, just one more day.”

—And thank God you ain’t yet SIXTY!


© 2008 The Wit’s End Scribbler

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2 Responses to TO J. ON YOUR 50th BIRTHDAY

  1. Steve Roetzler says:

    Love your Prose, Poems, and Stories.

    Keep up the good work and keep more of it coming.

    As you write and search for new ways to entertain the world, so will God and His Blessed Mother reward you for stepping out and making peoples lives that much more meaningful.

    At 50 I’m amazed i did not see my potential that I had in my younger years.

    Nevertheless I find there is great rewards in plugging awayand pursuing my dreams even now.

    Thank you
    God Bless

    • WES says:


      Thank you for the kind words. The journey can be long but, speaking as a perpetual “late bloomer” myself, I find the trip is a great learning experience that makes the destination all the more rewarding. I am grateful for all the help and inspiration I received from God along the way.


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