Two E-mails, One Freaky Subject
Opening my e-mail one day I found that two friends had forwarded material on the same subject. This in itself seemed a little unusual but nothing had prepared me for what I was about to see. I don’t think anything could.
The first, “They’rrrrre baaack! Wal-Martians!” from my friend Marla, began with the message, “This will make your day.” Actually, it didn’t make my day but it did make good fodder for my blog. Evidently cell phone cameras have been working overtime.
The first image was of a portly woman with a tattoo on her bulging left breast, stuffed into a black and white, horizontal striped costume. The caption described her as the “Hamburglar” on the beach in 1920. The next image was of another, more portly, woman who sported a fright wig fashioned of what appeared to be about a hundred pipe cleaners in pastel shades of pink, yellow, blue, green, and orange. She was captioned the “bride of Beetlejuice.” The third image was a very portly (make that morbidly obese) woman (I think) shown from the waist down in mostly translucent white long johns through which was visible a totally inadequate white thong. Completing this ensemble was a pair of black, calf-high, leather boots. The “Sugar Plum Fairy” had on a purple hoodie and matching leggings, a gray and black short skirt, and black tennis shoes. And this was a balding, gray-haired male!!!
It got worse from there, including a man in a hospital gown parted at the back and exposing his bare bum, and, finally, a woman in sandals exposing grotesquely long, curving, painted toenails; the ones on the big toes must have been five inches long! Gag me with a spoon!*
The second “Wal-Martians” e-mail, from a friend in Florida warned, “A god laugh for the day, if you can stand it.” I should have hit the delete button immediately.
The first photo was of the most grotesque, cobbled-together, road hazard of an automobile I’ve ever seen. It was captioned, “Pimp My Ride . . . . PLEASE!” That was almost subtle compared to what followed. The next photo was of a huge, braless woman in a clingy, low-cut sleeveless top barely (excuse the pun) containing perhaps the most pendulous boobs in creation. They looked like gigantic, sagging water balloons. Then another woman (?) sported outrageous drawn-on eyebrows, outsized glasses, and a right-out-of-the-Three Stooges (Moe) haircut. A young woman photographed from behind had dropped the right strap of her skimpy top to breastfeed her baby while waiting in the check-out line. After these there followed more cross-dressing men, some exposed “butt cracks”, circus clowns, hooker impersonators (maybe), and a woman with “back boobs.” But the absolute worst was the image of a woman in shorts with a colostomy bag strapped to her left leg! And it was half full!
I thought the pictures in the first e-mail were gross enough but those in the second actually triggered my gag reflex. They gave new meaning to the term skaggy**. I forwarded the second e-mail to my friend Marla telling her these Wal-Martians out-gross out her Wal-Martians.
Stay tuned for more–if you think you can stand it.
©2011, The Wit’s End Scribbler
* Jargon used by another peculiar species, the Valley Girl.
**A term from my high school years meaning raunchy or yucky; a real dog.