Made It by a Hair

Whew!  I had a close call recently.

I was at the vet’s office to pick up some medication for my cat who suffers with inflammatory bowel disease.  Seems she now needs to supplement her other meds with probiotics.  (That’s right, probiotics.  Even animals are concerned about their core health these days.)

Anyway, as the vet assistant was searching for said probiotics I amused myself by watching the monitor on the counter.  Here in momentary glimpses were photos of various cats and dogs of various pedigrees (or none), each identified with a name, such as “Misty,” “Champ,” “Brutus,” and such.  A minute or so into this slide show a message displayed on the screen announced, “National Hairball Awareness Day, April 30.”  (I kid you not.)  Startled, I checked the calendar on my watch.  There displayed in that little magnifying bubble was . . . 30!  It was still April!  Saints be praised, I still had time to commemorate this momentous occasion.  What to do?  The only thing I could think of was to rush home, grab “The Hairball” (coincidentally one of my cat’s several aliases), and give her some firm whacks on the back hoping she would hack up the real thing.  Of course, that would mean she’d be living up to one of her other names, “Miss P.I.T.A.,” which stands for “Pain in the A–,” invoked when she leaves some revolting mess for yours truly to clean up.

Of course, it’s not unusual for there to be a day designated by the government or some other, more reputable, entity to promote a favorite cause—or “just because.”  But hairballs?  Any cat owner is already aware of hairballs and, let me tell you, it’s nothing to celebrate.

Still, if hairballs are to be so honored, what other wacky things are there to merit our awareness?

A bit of web surfing reveals there are plenty to satisfy even the most compulsive “we-need-a-life-any-excuse-for-a-party” crowd.  That there are those who actually put thought into such things tells me some people have way too much free time.


In a Daze

Just the same, here, in monthly order, is a sampling of some of the weirder dates you may want to circle on your calendar.

January 19 is “National Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day”(Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.)  February 22 is designated “World Thinking Day” (we need a lot more of these).  March 8 is “Dust Bunny Appreciation Day” (observed every day at my house).  March 22 is “National Goof Off Day” (we need a lot fewer of these).  Besides April 1—”April Fool’s Day” (why celebrate this growing demographic?), there’s April 3—”Blame Somebody Else Day” (the fools are getting tired of all the credit) and April 15, “Rubber Eraser Day.”  (Anybody else see the irony of this falling on Federal Income Tax day, the biggest mistake in our national history?  Now there’s something that should be rubbed out.)  May 3 is “Lumpy Rug Day,” (created for the intolerant sort who tend to sweep pesky facts under the rug), while May 5 is “National Lost Sock Memorial Day” and May 14 is “National Dance Like a Chicken Day,” which must be done to the “Chicken Dance Song.”  June 8 is “Name Your Poison Day.” (Arsenic/ should do the trick.  Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)  July 13 is “Celebrate Your Geekness Day,” which must be related to “Race Your Mouse Around the Icons Day” on August 28.  (Just how computer addicted do you have to be?)  On September 28 there’s “Ask a Stupid Question Day,” i.e., “Did it hurt when the brick fell on your head?”  Duh!  October 3 is “Virus Appreciation Day” (for the hypochondriacs among us).  “National Dunce Day” is November 8 and December 12 is “National Ding-a-Ling Day.” (Really, now, all the Fools, Dunces, and Ding-a-Lings are getting way too much calendar space.)

Oh, yes, there’s even a “National Mutt Day” on December 2.  That’ll make mine happy.  Now that he knows about it, he’ll probably expect me to throw him a party.


Just Lump It

There are lots more, not including the more familiar, legitimate ones.  In fact, there are more “awareness” days than there are actual days in the year, even in a Leap Year.  Faced with that we have two options as I see it:  1.)  Extend the normal year by a few hundred more days to handle the surplus.   2.)  Schedule a “National One-Size-Fits-All-Anything-You-Could-Possibly-Imagine Awareness Day” to be observed on the extra day of every Leap Year, right after February 28, “National Public Sleeping Day.”  That could be risky, though.   We might just snooze through the whole thing unaware.


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